It's so funny how I've changed my mind like a million times on whether Gary Oldman will make a good Sirius or not. I suppose I can't really decide until I see the movie, because the look is one thing and the actual acting is another.

Personally I think Alan Rickman looks nothing like the Snape I always imagined. My Snape's taller, thinner, more angular and just uglier than Alan Rickman will ever be. All that said his performance knocked me away, and I've been in love since. So that just goes to show that the look isn't everything.

But still...I'm not too sure on Sirius yet. I found a newish picture here and I'm not too sure about it. Though I have to say, Peter is certainly disturbing enough for me.

I don't know, I guess I'll just have to wait to form the rest of my opinion, it won't be too long now! :)

I'll just turn my smallish rant off and move on with the smut! ^_^

Title: Changed
Author: misted_oracle
Reviews: yes please, priestess_oracle@yahoo.ca
Rating: R
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Warning: slash
Summery: Sirius knows something has changed with Remus, but he can’t figure out what.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter, because if I did book five would have ended very differently, nor am I making any money off my writings.
Author’s Notes: Written for the Lusty month of May at pervy_werewolf.

Changed

Sirius knows that Azkaban altered his memory. He finds that he can’t remember certain things about his past and sometimes the memories are ragged and ripped in places, filled with obvious holes.

He’s come to except this and move on. He’s not thrown by needing to be corrected on certain facts and it doesn’t bother him how frequently this happens. But still he’s surprised at how Remus has changed.

Or at least he thinks he’s changed. He’s not quite sure he remembers Remus as he was before Azkaban. He thought he did, and if he’s correct then Remus has changed. He’s changed quite a bit.

Sirius doesn’t remember ever having to think about another during sex. He remembers Remus being the warmest and softest partner, always happy to please and ready for more. He’s changed so much.

Arriving at Grimmauld place was fine, Remus was as he recalled, but it declined steadily, and now, only a few months into their stay Remus is sullen and displeased, with what Sirius can only see at everything. He asks what’s wrong and doesn’t get a reply. He no longer knows what to do, so he retreats into his own world when they’re in bed together, thinking of things he knows he shouldn’t.

And it’s Harry who’s in his mind’s eye, when he makes love with Remus. It’s his Godson’s face, those beautiful green eyes shining back at him that he sees when he climaxes atop of Remus.

It’s wrong and disgusting, and Sirius knows this. Lily would throw a fit and James would murder him, if they were alive. Harry’s only fifteen, for Merlin’s sake. He’s innocent, and too much of a child to have his Godfather lusting after him secretly.

And all of the perverted thoughts aside, it’s betraying Remus, who Sirius feels he doesn’t deserve. He didn’t deserve him at school, and he certainly doesn’t now. It may not be cheating, but in Sirius’s eyes it is close enough to make it very wrong.

He closes his eyes at night, Remus’s head on his chest, imagining it’s Harry instead, his smaller, awkwardly young body cuddled close to him, so unlike Remus’s graceful hips and long legs. Sirius holds Remus close, begging the thoughts to go away, wanting more than anything for Remus to warm up once again, to be his old self.

Sirius finds out at Christmas, he learns the reason behind the secrecy and the distance. And it has more to do with Harry than he could have ever imagined.

They’re cuddled close, both naked and appealing in their different ways. Remus is smiling, the first real smile he’s seen in months and Harry is, too, grinning that maddeningly breath taking smile.

They’re hidden together, cooped up in the cramped shower stall, both soaked from the downpour of water. Sirius feels compelled to join, to wrap his arms around Harry’s lithe body from behind and press kisses along his neck. He wants to see Remus’s face when he does; he wants to know whether he’d be jealous or excited. He’s not sure which; Remus has changed too much to tell.

But he doesn’t dare. He goes to back out and silently close the door behind him. He’s not even sure whether he’ll mention it to his lover the next time they talk. And then he collides with the door handle and the door slams into the hallway wall. Harry peers around the half open curtain and sees him there, his face both frightened and intrigued at the same time.

Harry’s even more beautiful than Sirius could have ever imagined. His skin is like cream and his wet hair drips water droplets down his shoulders and onto his chest. Sirius forces his eyes to remain above the boy’s waist, though his quickly awakening cock presses him on.

Nothing is said, and his eyes dart to Remus, whose expression is nothing short of mortified. He stumbles out of the shower, leaving Harry alone, grabs a towel to wrap around his waist and follows Sirius down the hall, as the man flees.

“Sirius, I can explain,” he whispers, his voice clearly ashamed.

And then he remembers. Years and years ago, this same conversation, happening after the same situation. He remembers returning late from work and walking into their bedroom to see James naked and on top of his lover.

He remembers that identical look on his face, and he remembers Remus pleading with him, swearing it would never happen again.

Sirius looks up at his lover, surprised, but not at what he’d just witnessed. He’d been wrong. Remus hadn’t changed at all.